blurkiddy84's Xanga

Privacy Requested

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 09:44:25 GMT

Well its been a few days since I decided to re-enter into the blogging world and resurrect my blog but I have noticed perhaps none of my frens have visited it yet. All I have to say is, GREAT!!!

In FB there are jz too many colleagues and bosses that have added me. So in that sense I felt that I have lost a bit of privacy there. Whenever I want to post something up, I have to think twice or else I might get in trouble in posting anything that is not for their viewing pleasure. Or when I am chatting with my frens via the Post the Wall function, I have to be wary of what I am writing so as to not unnecessarily leak out any information.

That is where I like this place. My sanctuary you may like to call it, to be able to freely express myself and my thoughts. I used to fail to understand how working life can be so taxing, stressing and down right life-draining. Some have even to the extent of losing their sanity over it. But now I know and am actually experiencing it myself. Thus, this blog have become an even more important tool for myself to let my most innermost feelings/thoughts out, vent my anger and frustration, injustice cry and wailing, complains and after complains. Sure you can jz pick up a phone and call a fren to tell him/her all. But sometimes there are things even you yourself cant tell your closest frens.

But if you are thinking "Who are you kidding? By posting these on my blog, ain't I risking getting caught anyway?" Well I have to say you are ABSOLUTELY...RIGHT. Well, fortunately for me, there are some blog entries that I have a right to keep under private/protected viewinganymore questions?

JJJJAAAAAMMMMM....

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 09:25:41 GMT

woke up late today after putting another long shift last nite... left the house 10 minutes later than the usual time but guess wat lies ahead waiting?? yup thats rite...as the title suggests TRAFFIC JAM!!

i mean this is so crap...wat difference does 10 mins actually make rite? at the usual time that I leave the house (7.15am) there isn't almost the slightest sight of a car (ok I am actually exaggerating abit...but u get the point) the traffic was smooth and I can drive in my semi-awake+groggy mode (I drive pretty fast at that too mind you)...with the jam, I would be forced to use my precious attention (hey it takes alot of energy to focus alrite? ) to stay focused on the road... geez..

it is as though that there was a nationally agreed time of waking up, washing up, defecating, eating and JAMMING the road all at the same time...while it was frustrating (this reali made me miss those good RAYA week where cars are actually scarce around the KL city center areas) but one cant help but to wonder that 10 minutes could actually made this much of a difference...I usually take 40 mins to reach my office via the SMART Tunnel but today it almost took me double that time (1 hr 10 mins) *curious curious* oh well....

btw I jz changed the outlook of my blog using Xanga's pre-designed themes. I have to admit my previous layout reli stinks big time after lookin' through wat Xanga has to offer... the only sad thing tho is that I cant put in a chatterbox on my blog....haha maybe I am being a bit jz too attached to my old style of blogging

Memories...memories...memories...

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 00:48:00 GMT

OMG!! Last month I received an email from Xanga: "blurkiddy84, xanga misses you!!" and was suddenly bombarded with all the wonder flashback memories from my University Days. Never did I realised that this long-forgotten blog of mine will still be around after all these years (5 years to be exact). I did not immediately responded to it though. Was partly a bit apprehensive to re-visit my so called "Glory Days of my Youth" and also tied up with my work which is currently taking alot of my "precious" time

Well I finally did today - to re-enter this blog of mine... after a couple of tries at the username & password (damn nowadays there are jz wwwaaaaayyyyyy ttttooooooo mmmmaaaannnnnyyyyy passwords to remember) but still failed (haha no surprised at the current rate that my work is frying up my brain) I decided to request for help from Xanga and ~VOILA!~ here I am.

Seriously being quite an emotional person that I am, I got this funny warm fuzzy feeling that well up inside of me as I read thru' my previous few blogs.its like having a small microwave oven inside of me...only thing is its heating up some nice italiano meals i.e. my fav. LASAGNA!! haha the 1st tot that came up my mind was "Wow, I seriously wrote these things? What the hell was I thinking?" well, I guess thats how much changes I have underwent since my "Glory Days"

No longer I am the emotionally unstable, immature 'mini' motor mouth "BOY" that I was back then. Nowadays, I am more of the quiet and ~relaxed with a hell care less~ mode. I guess thats wat growing up is all about, finding your own footing and a world of your own in this semi-chaotic, dark and cold world of ours. Thank God that I have finally a litlle bit of me hehe (and someone whom I can proudly call my other half to spend my life with) and hopefully over the years I will continue be able to discover myself more

To all my frens who have tried semi-successfully (well...fruitlessly seems like a too strong of a word aint 'it??) to contact me here to keep in touch, I would like to say a BIG BIG SORRY (its better late than never...eh?)
for not responding much earlier. I do still hope that we could keep in touch. Do add me @ FaceBook: blurkid84@hotmail.com. I promise you that I will come back from time to time again to check out on my blog and update it. As for the current layout, I wont be doing much about it at the moment. Jz wan2 leave it 4 awhile (till my working schedule frees up a lil bit more) till then...I shall continue reminiscence the good times...

p/s: special thanks to the Xanga Team for not deleting/disposing my a/c. I still have all my previous entries here which will make interesting reading 4 myself. hehe Thanks for not giving up on me!! haha Good Job Guys!!

blog testing...

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 12:40:52 GMT

eh? testing testing...

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 06:45:01 GMT

today had 1 paper. *aiks* reali sucked. not only me, at least 5 ppl were wid me. they 'sucked' this paper. din manage to have the time to complete. *sigh* feel reali down. as though a huge rock had been suddenly dropped onto my chest while i was resting.

*yawn* only had 2 hours sleep last nite. sad. was rushing assginment for this same subject while having to study for the test. but oh well... "wat is done cant be undone" <---- quoted by Gracie. hehehe yup. upon reflection its a reali great wake up call. exams is jz around the corner and im so unprepared. its like day after tomorrow. when the storm or blizzards come, i think i'll be the 1st to die...

ooh speaking of day after tomorrow, heheeh i proudly say i managed to slip into the cinema to watch it on its premier day! hehehe would u bliv it? on the premier day there were still at least 20 seats empty. that goes to show that many ppl dun like this movie. neway, back to the topic.

hahaha at first my fren asked me if i wana watch the movie but i said i duno so told him not to book any tickets for me yet. but then in the end i came. wid no tickets, i was thinking of mayb stay wid them till the movie starts and then go back. then my mischievous mind tot of something.

when we were walking to the cinema, we were praying real hard that nothing would happen. if anything were to happen, it would b kinda embarrassing the moment we passed thru the entrance, a fren of mine rushed to the toilet and heave a HUGE sigh of relief!! hahaha that was funny. u guys shud reali c his face. rite Marcus?? hehe.. but it was a 1st experience for me. so its reali kinda fun.. hehehe

the funnier part was, i managed to get into better seats than my frens!! hehe their seat was 2 row from the screen while i got 7 row from the screen. hehe a wonderful spot. hahaha couldn't bliv myself that i actually did that. my frens were complaining later that their necks were aching... *mean me* sorry guys!

but u din know how i was feeling then. was reali frightened. everytime some1 come into the cinema, i get anxious. what if i was sitting in their seats? -_-; but in the end. i survived

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Wed, 26 May 2004 12:16:05 GMT

mood: very happy + quite stress

its been a very happy day today. lepaked the whole day at uni although got no class till 2pm. den sudden rush of guilt and stress. jz realised that this week 12 of my semester. i will be having an exam on week 13 and 14. the one on the week 13 is internally set but marked overseas.. (wat the?? wats the whole point of keeping it so secretive? it did not appear in my official timetable... -_-)

ok ok. no time edi. shall blog more later. take care ppl.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Tue, 25 May 2004 09:31:11 GMT

Mood: very very happy, jz finished talking to my girl girl

its been 341 days since i joined xanga. haha wah.. i din noe that. but then again, that means that my blog will almost reach 1 year old!! yea!! reason to celebrate

its been confirmed. Calvin Tang Chia Tee is a very insecure bas third. reali reali need to do something abt it.. cant hurt my loved ones nemore..

hahaha i wonder now, how many is reading my blog since its been so long since i last blogged hehehe.. sorry guys... but confirmed, exams will b coming very soon. counting down, i only have less than 14 days till my 1st exam... *sense of death looms*

shall porve to the world, me ain't no stupid child... shall work hard and channel all my anger towards positive purposes..

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Tue, 25 May 2004 06:22:59 GMT

some ppl said that the more failures that u endured, the more successful u will bcome. well, i beg to differ. of the many failed relationships that i have, it had made me a very much insecure person, and at times very unreasonable. this is not something that ppl would say as successful. in fact it is made me more of a person inclined to not to trust relationships.
today i made a fool of out myself. at lunch i said some reali stupid things, which made me felt a total loser myself. "y do my girl girl do things faster? i said to my frens, that was the difference between the ppl in love and the ppl not in love" *fuck* i said to myself. reali stupid. wat was i ever thinking at that moment??! can i ever b more stupid?? juz wished that some1 wud jz shoot me at that moment in time. im jz being unreasonable myself. i tot that if a peron liked you jz bcoz they make u laugh, u feel a lot of pressure trying to emulate jz that. when there are some other ppl that can do a better job, u felt your position is threaten. its like the jesters in the court of the kings. their job is to make the king a happy man, when necessary. or not it would cease to lose its value, and at times, even its life.
it is these very fears that drives me on forward. sometimes your fears overtake you. makes the relationship dull, boring. makes you devote yourself even more and make things reali dull. when things dun turn out according to wat u wanted, u become reali depressed. when u become too scared that she will leave u 1 day, u become very 'stone' and careful. too careful till u might even forget wat is the most important in a relationship. wat is the most important thing in the relationship? i duno. im still finding out myself. perhaps im now lost.
   aarrgghh... stupid. y m i even bothered abt these things? im stressed out and there still so many things in side my mind. *shit* but exams are coming and im far from prepared. y wud i even wanna think abt all thse stuff?? im going nuts. no words can describe this other than stupidity. i need a life.
  yea im stupid, as wat my classmate shouted at me y'day in the lab. still cant shake my mind of it. im still hurt and angry by that comment. nobody called me that since i proven myself in F1. now.. haiz. although i noe that my state right now is deplorable academically, but i still refuse to acknowledge that. then again, y m i making such a big fuss over it??? hmmm.... -_-; *huge ego*
  haiz, feeling neglected now. watever. lets stop thinking for a day, give my mind some rest and relax. do the things i enjoy and jz be myself... now that sentence feels so hard to do..

Monday, May 24, 2004

Mon, 24 May 2004 10:06:10 GMT

hello everybody. sorry that i have not been updating regularly enuf. i reali din have the time to do this. to all my loyal readers, thank you all so much for staying to this site all this while

well i m reali doing well. been eating, sleeping, and playing well. juz that recently found that my exams are coming real near and my usual ignorance skills could no longer hide this big fact.

adding to the stress and ego bashing, during the lab, i got scolded as stupid by one of my frens. it reali reali hurted, and most importantly i reali wanted to go out there and give that bastard a piece of my mind. it still hurt sorely till now.

its like man, im sorry ok. i was reali reali blur. i duno wat i was doing and the lecturer did not give out the lab manual till the last minute. do you have to be so harsh and direct? no considerations at all for others? do u think your so called intelligence will remain forever?? haiz... watever.. i shall rest this case.

mayb it a wake up call from above. 'wat the hell are doing wid your life young man?' although i must say quite timely, but such is the manner it is been metted out across to me, im like 'whoa man, wats his prob?' *trying real hard to take it positively* but nah.. i couldn't care less... today is a day to destress...

*shutting myself to the world* felt as if everything that i did today was jinxed kau kau. nothing that was done seems rite. perhaps im a reali boring person. im boring out every1 around me. i reali do wana make my loved ones happy but it seems to me that im not doing a good job. or perhaps its me and my PMS like mood swings. no offense to the girls, but its now like very swingy i would say.

or perhaps the expectations that i have was not met or the lack of understanding for each other feelings. i dunoo.. i reali duno. now i feel reali sympathy for my loved ones. hahaa i hate it. all the above makes me feel as though im a very demanding person. i reali dun wan that...haiz

there goes again.. Calvin's very own internal conflict....

at the end of the day, i reali reali miss this. a nice hug and cuddling from my loved ones...juz to cushion the worries of the world and make it all go away..

Calvin signing off...

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 09:45:00 GMT

wazzup ppl... hehehe sorry for not updating in a while.. hope that u guys are all doing well and fine in no matter wat u guys are doing and no matter where you guys are..

hahaha.. yup as some ppl may hv noticed... these days are no longer like the usual days nemore.. thank you so much to some of my frens, i hv now been able to start picking myself up and enjoy life as it is.. i hv now found new motivations and goals in life.. *yea*

hahaha and my humble apologises ppl for being so depressed for the past few weeks. and also thank you so much for those that had been visiting this lil' humble blog of mine and giving me non-stop encouragements to go on. thanks to all you guys efforts, im now alrite

alrite ppl.. gotta go. Dinner's awaiting.. im starving.. cioaz..